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Feb. 16th, 2004 01:04 amI was at Golden Corral with my wife, ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
bookofmirrors, when I saw this guy. He looked like he was in his 40s, with shoulder-length black hair that gave the impression that he was trying to be 'hip' while his hair was in the process of migrating south for the winter. As I watched him walk around the resturant, I wondered if I gave the impression that I was trying to recapture my youth/past when I realized that I didn't really have a youth/past to recapture. Almost as soon as that thought came to me, I couldn't help but ask myself: If the actions of the future are based on the past, where does that leave me? I mean, I can't decide that I am going to spend the next god-only-knows number of years running about a playground, figuratively or literally in an attempt to be the child I feel I never got to be. I just don't have the time to do that, if I even wanted to. I have someone who is counting on me to get a job and to help pay bills, not to mention other plans that we both have for the future. When it comes right down to it, the past is the foundation the future is built on. Childhood is where our emotional reactions start and grow from. I have interacted with poeple that I would say were lacking a childhood or had a stunted one, and those are people I would lable emotionally crippled. Not that I would have room to talk, just how I percieve the things I see. It is not my desire to be or become an emotional cripple, only capable of interacting with the world in small, childish ways. I want to be able to react as an adult would interact with the world.
Perhaps, in its own way, the world/universe has given me an opportunity I would not have had, given a 'normal' childhood. Perhaps what I have been given is the opportunity to build my reactions, my emotional foundation, free of the baggage that I would have had, given differing circumstances? I don't know exactly, I'm still hammering things out in my head. It could possibly explain how I can look at things with excitement and wonder. I've lost count of the number of timesbookofmirrors has gotten emotional, overcome with happiness when she sees me caught in the music and unable to keep what I feel inside, flowing forth in song or tears or laughter ... more times than not, in all three ways at once.
I'm not looking for comments, not that it should stop people if they think they have something to say that I need to hear. Like I said earlier, I'm just hammering things out in my head.
bookofmirrors, when I saw this guy. He looked like he was in his 40s, with shoulder-length black hair that gave the impression that he was trying to be 'hip' while his hair was in the process of migrating south for the winter. As I watched him walk around the resturant, I wondered if I gave the impression that I was trying to recapture my youth/past when I realized that I didn't really have a youth/past to recapture. Almost as soon as that thought came to me, I couldn't help but ask myself: If the actions of the future are based on the past, where does that leave me? I mean, I can't decide that I am going to spend the next god-only-knows number of years running about a playground, figuratively or literally in an attempt to be the child I feel I never got to be. I just don't have the time to do that, if I even wanted to. I have someone who is counting on me to get a job and to help pay bills, not to mention other plans that we both have for the future. When it comes right down to it, the past is the foundation the future is built on. Childhood is where our emotional reactions start and grow from. I have interacted with poeple that I would say were lacking a childhood or had a stunted one, and those are people I would lable emotionally crippled. Not that I would have room to talk, just how I percieve the things I see. It is not my desire to be or become an emotional cripple, only capable of interacting with the world in small, childish ways. I want to be able to react as an adult would interact with the world.Perhaps, in its own way, the world/universe has given me an opportunity I would not have had, given a 'normal' childhood. Perhaps what I have been given is the opportunity to build my reactions, my emotional foundation, free of the baggage that I would have had, given differing circumstances? I don't know exactly, I'm still hammering things out in my head. It could possibly explain how I can look at things with excitement and wonder. I've lost count of the number of times
bookofmirrors has gotten emotional, overcome with happiness when she sees me caught in the music and unable to keep what I feel inside, flowing forth in song or tears or laughter ... more times than not, in all three ways at once.I'm not looking for comments, not that it should stop people if they think they have something to say that I need to hear. Like I said earlier, I'm just hammering things out in my head.
