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Aug. 18th, 2003
To ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
logomancer
Aug. 18th, 2003 06:11 pmThank you for expressing your views. Or, should I say, thank you for *finally* expressing your views to *me*. Now, allow me to say this: This is MY goddamned journal, and as such, I can put whatever I want in it - posts of continuing cycles, epiphanies, or eye-bleeding accusations. I don't have to spare you anything. You can spare yourself by not reading my journal - which you've probably already done. But don't think for one moment that you're going to barge in and make those kind of demands. I don't have to put up with it, or you.
I made the post not because I wanted sympathy from anyone, but because I felt like I needed to express what I was feeling inside, and, at the time, honestly did not know if I was going to post again. I didn't *expect* anything from anyone. Every person's paradigm deals with the giving and receiving of energy. I do not say that mine is the healthiest. I know that I am far from it. Yours, on the other hand, seems to be based on the spewing of rage and cynicism. I have tried, thinking back through the whole time I've known you, and if what has come from you has been anything other than those listed, it has been the exception, not the rule. I may be depressed and worrisome, but it's better than what I see in you.
I'm here, thinking about what I've said, and what there may be left to say, and there's a lot of fear here. "What if he responds?" is a question I have asked myself as this post has been made. But there's this other voice that just says one thing: "Who cares?" I'm going to write what I write. I'm going to act as I feel I should act, given the moment. If that gets labelled, in your cynical mind, as pretentious - so be it. As far as it goes, you can either read the post, and deal with it, or not read it, and that be that. I no longer care.
I don't appreciate the way that you went about this. You have spoken to others about me behind my back, and then had the audacity to do this. I remember a time when there was a big blowup, and accusations were thrown around without a care. I heard some of the accusations, and was appalled. My initial reaction wasn't to go off half-cocked and call the individual and yell and scream and rant at them. My initial reaction was to pick up the phone, call them, and ask to hear their side. I wanted to make an informed decision. That lesson seems to have been lost on you, even though you have made reference to it.
Despite the method of delivery, and the total lack of ability you show to communicate with any type of compassion, you have bludgeoned your way to some points which I am looking into, because heaven forbid if my mitochondria drown.
That post was made before I made some realizations - some decisions that I have made, and am taking steps to change. I won't bore you with the details. You probably won't believe them, anyways.
The fear is gone. So is the anger I felt. It's been replaced with excitement, for lack of a better way to put it. There is no longer any justification in my mind to be anxious, or afraid of anything that might be said. I guess, in that light, I should thank you.
And if, by some chance, you read my, or someone else's post, and feel pretentious enough to give them a tough love wake up call, like you did me - think twice.
Then don't.
I made the post not because I wanted sympathy from anyone, but because I felt like I needed to express what I was feeling inside, and, at the time, honestly did not know if I was going to post again. I didn't *expect* anything from anyone. Every person's paradigm deals with the giving and receiving of energy. I do not say that mine is the healthiest. I know that I am far from it. Yours, on the other hand, seems to be based on the spewing of rage and cynicism. I have tried, thinking back through the whole time I've known you, and if what has come from you has been anything other than those listed, it has been the exception, not the rule. I may be depressed and worrisome, but it's better than what I see in you.
I'm here, thinking about what I've said, and what there may be left to say, and there's a lot of fear here. "What if he responds?" is a question I have asked myself as this post has been made. But there's this other voice that just says one thing: "Who cares?" I'm going to write what I write. I'm going to act as I feel I should act, given the moment. If that gets labelled, in your cynical mind, as pretentious - so be it. As far as it goes, you can either read the post, and deal with it, or not read it, and that be that. I no longer care.
I don't appreciate the way that you went about this. You have spoken to others about me behind my back, and then had the audacity to do this. I remember a time when there was a big blowup, and accusations were thrown around without a care. I heard some of the accusations, and was appalled. My initial reaction wasn't to go off half-cocked and call the individual and yell and scream and rant at them. My initial reaction was to pick up the phone, call them, and ask to hear their side. I wanted to make an informed decision. That lesson seems to have been lost on you, even though you have made reference to it.
Despite the method of delivery, and the total lack of ability you show to communicate with any type of compassion, you have bludgeoned your way to some points which I am looking into, because heaven forbid if my mitochondria drown.
That post was made before I made some realizations - some decisions that I have made, and am taking steps to change. I won't bore you with the details. You probably won't believe them, anyways.
The fear is gone. So is the anger I felt. It's been replaced with excitement, for lack of a better way to put it. There is no longer any justification in my mind to be anxious, or afraid of anything that might be said. I guess, in that light, I should thank you.
And if, by some chance, you read my, or someone else's post, and feel pretentious enough to give them a tough love wake up call, like you did me - think twice.
Then don't.
